Original song Wednesday (and you thought men don’t understand women!)

One more time: I’m no singer, but the song has words so I sung ‘em. (Apologies in advance, too, for a little trouble with my drum loop in a couple of spots. The vagaries of amateur music production!)

Troublesome Hair

Jenny’s got a problem
She’s goin’ out tonight
Her hair is a source of neverending heartache
It isn’t right.
Jenny’s got troublesome hair!

Jeannie’s got a problem
She’s on a tear
Her hair is always causing quiet desperation
It isn’t fair!
Jeannie’s got troublesome hair!

If it isn’t one thing, it’s another
My flyaway hair makes me wanna run for cover
My mirror always used to be my best friend,
Now all I’m seeing is a bunch of split ends!

Joanie’s got a problem
She’s gonna meet her man
But her bangs look like a pair of vampire fangs,
She needs a plan.
Joanie’s got troublesome hair!

Wouldn’t it be lovely to have lovely hair?
I just want to go to work
Looking like Jemima Kirke.
Wouldn’t it be lovely, lovely to have lovely hair?
Never gonna happen!

Janie’s got a problem
She’s gonna shave her head
Her hair has finally driven her to clinical depression
She’s seein red.
Janie’s got troublesome hair!

If it isn’t one thing, it’s another
My flyaway hair makes me wanna run for cover
My mirror always used to be my best friend,
Now all I’m seeing is a bunch of split ends!

Jenny’s got a problem
Jeannie’s got a problem
Joanie’s got a problem
Janie’s got a problem!

Donna Tartt to Francine Prose: “Suck a lemon, babe.”

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Well, in another episode that demonstrates that we’re living in a programmed simulation from the future, Donna Tartt has won the Pulitzer Prize in fiction this year. You’ll probably recall that Francine Prose tore her a new one over the quality-control issues in her now officially lauded book, The Goldfinch, but in this simulated reality that’s just the kind of thing that comes back to haunt with nauseating irony.

Since I haven’t read The Goldfinch, I can’t comment directly on its merits. However, I did read a book last year that I thought had a decent chance at the Pulitzer and would have made a great choice: The Flamethrowers, by Rachel Kushner.

Better luck next time, Rache. And Francine? I feel your pain.

My bad…😳

Properly chastened, I’d like to apologize to David, of Indie Author Land, for suggesting that voters in the 50 Self-Published Books Worth Reading (2013/14) competition should vote five times each from numerous computers. That would be cheating! I think I hurt Dave’s feelings, because he said I should go to work for Kim Jong Un, and that was quite the wake-up call.

I do feel bad, but some people are clearly going to take advantage of that flaw in the voting system. It’s really a flaw in any online polling arrangement, unless there’s a log-in gateway in place. Kind of sad, but there’s no way around it, I guess. Still, I feel like a shmuck for bringing it up. Vote for me five times each, but do have everyone you know do the same!

By the way, I’d never work for Kim Jong Un. I’d work for Putin in a shot — he’s definitely a Colbert Alpha Dog. KJU is just out of his flippin’ mind.

We’re gonna need a bigger VOTE!

Indie-Author-Land

I learned last night that Yesterday Road is one of the twelve finalists in the literary category of Indie Author Land’s contest: The 50 Self-Published Books Worth Reading (2013/14). Now it’s time to vote for the winner in each category.

I need lots of help here, kids. There are a couple of formidable titles on the literary list, books that received many more nominations than mine did, but I think we can make a good showing if we each get just about everyone we know to vote. See, you get five votes in each category, and, diabolical fiend that I am, I’m assuming the counter sees each computer it tags with a cookie as a different person. So vote from home. Vote from work. Vote from your phone. Vote from your mom’s computer. We want an army of voters to put Yesterday Road over the top!

This is the page where you can vote in the literary category.

Here’s where you can sign up to be notified when the contest is over and who won.

Oh, by the way, we have till May 18, so this is a long campaign. I hope I don’t drive everyone nuts with nudging.

Also, anytime you see a tweet about this from me, it would be jolly good if you’d retweet it. Same with sharing Facebook posts.

Thanks in advance for anything you can think of to help. For instance, I’m going to bombard my local neighborhood online network with this. I’m also hitting my ancient address book, my work associates, distant family members, and total strangers (if they look amiable). At least five votes each. It’ll add up!

Cat fight! Famous authors hatin’ on famous authors

Everyone likes rubbernecking when there’s a good face-scratchin’, hair-pullin’ fight. It’s even better when the scratchers and pullers are legendary writers like Faulkner, Hemingway, Oscar Wilde, D.H. Lawrence, and a host of others!

A couple of my favorites from this list of 30:

Gore Vidal on Truman Capote

“He’s a full-fledged housewife from Kansas with all the prejudices.”

Mark Twain on Jane Austen (1898)

“I haven’t any right to criticize books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can’t conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read ‘Pride and Prejudice,’ I want to dig her up and hit her over the skull with her own shin-bone.”

This is real fun Sunday morning fare. Have some coffee and a bagel with it…