WHAT THE HELL

Kevin Brennan Writes About What It's Like

Man’s inhumanity to man

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If, in philosophical terms, you’ve heard the expression, “the argument from evil” — meaning there is no god because there’s evil in the world — you can see it “personified” in the so-called Budweiser & Clamato chelada. Brought to you by the diabolical minds at Anheuser-Busch InBev, it is the hell child’s toxic elixir. It is a Pandora’s 25 oz. can of wrong. I’m afraid that it can’t be destroyed because its half-life is at least thirty thousand years.

Somehow these mad beverage scientists have figured out a way to keep the tomato solids from settling. Logical, right? Because you can’t shake a carbonated beverage without disastrous results. But the disturbing pink colloid that is the mutant result of this technology causes the human brain to go into a state of “fight or flight,” even as, in merry fun, the subject takes the glass to his lips. Say it with me: Spit Take!

Nutrition fact — this can contains 372 calories. If you can choke it down, it might make a good meal choice for under-the-weather alcoholics, but only in the absence of actual food.

Be warned. I’ve done my part so you don’t have to.

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7 comments on “Man’s inhumanity to man

  1. John W. Howell
    March 4, 2014

    You are like the person who drank milk from a cow the first time. The world appreciates your valor.

    • Kevin Brennan
      March 4, 2014

      Or the man who first ate an egg. I’m glad I can be of service.

  2. 1WriteWay
    March 4, 2014

    I look at sh*t like the “drink” above and can only ask, “Why?”

    • Kevin Brennan
      March 4, 2014

      Yes, the eternal question. And after you drink it, “Why me?!”

      • 1WriteWay
        March 4, 2014

        I guess it’s sort of like Mt. Everest … because it’s there?

  3. ericjbaker
    March 4, 2014

    Bizarre in a can.

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This entry was posted on March 4, 2014 by in Et alia and tagged .
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