WHAT THE HELL

Kevin Brennan Writes About What It's Like

Hair today

Razor combs

I don’t know about you and your tonsorial professional, but I’ve had a lifetime of bad luck with them.

When I was a teen, I had long hair something akin to John Lennon’s White Album look, so haircuts were a breeze. My mom gave me two bucks for “a trim,” and the barber would make cracks about my masculinity as he took off a quarter-inch from the bottom. The good ol’ days.

It was later that I began to realize that barbers, hairdressers, salonistas — whatever you want to call them — have motives and agendas. They aren’t always there to make you look your best. Like the gentleman in the mid-80’s who made me look like a country preacher circa 1884, or the Korean woman who told me each time I went to her that she really needed a male friend but one who didn’t want sex.

I had a fairly uneventful time of it in San Francisco for a few years, until the woman who handled both my wife and me jumped ship, and then came a parade of failed haircut relationships. It got so bad that in 2003 I swore off haircuts altogether and grew out a ponytail. Took two years to get it nice and luxurious, but then I was going to visit my mother and I didn’t think she could handle it so I had it chopped off. (I keep it wrapped in aluminum foil, hidden away for the Brennan Museum one day.)

I grew the tail because the woman who was cutting my hair just before that invited my wife and me to her house for wine and cheese one evening, then revealed while we were there that her housemate was “Lord Shiva,” who ran the household with benevolence and took great care of the wounded people who lived there. Of which she was one. Turned out she had but one leg. Another roommate had been held captive in a basement for some disturbing length of time. “You really need to meet Lord Shiva,” our hairdresser said.

That was the last we saw of her.

More recently I’ve had a dozen bad haircuts from nearly a dozen different cutters, until I had a realization two years ago: I’m old enough now that I can look however I want without caring what other people think! Two words —

Buzz cut!

So I bought an electric razor, and now I have the best barber in town. Me.

This has been another episode of Simple Solutions To Difficult Dilemmas.

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16 comments on “Hair today

  1. sknicholls
    October 29, 2014

    My hubby did the same when he turned fifty…just buzzed it all off. (I trim his neck.) His brother is older and still has his ponytail. I think when you hit a certain age, you have earned the right of convenience. I have seriously though of whacking my own hair off, but I am afraid as fine as it is, and as large as I’ve gotten, I would look like a little old weeble man. It’s close to the only femininity I have left besides boobs.

    • Kevin Brennan
      October 29, 2014

      Ha!

      Hey, what about a selection of wigs?

      • sknicholls
        October 29, 2014

        There’s a real thought. I could get a whole wardrobe and be a different person every day. That would satisfy my personality disorder and maybe intrigue my husband into something fun. Hot as hell in FL for wigs though. I’ll have to give this some more thought.

  2. Gretchen Getsinger
    October 29, 2014

    One day while crunching numbers I realized that I could save $250. per year if I let my hair grow. I enjoy the savings but hate managing the hair. I sometimes wish I had the courage to shave it off and wear a turban.

    • Kevin Brennan
      October 29, 2014

      A turban! I don’t think I could pull one off, but that’s a great idea. There should be a whole line of stylish turbans for gals who get tired of the hair thing.

  3. ericjbaker
    October 29, 2014

    I’ve been cutting my own hair for several years, though I recently paid for a trim because it needed a bit of shaping I couldn’t seem to pull off.

    I wish this comment had more conflict. It was a bit drab.

    Perhaps I can liven it up with, “Pedro Molina Must Die!”

  4. Dave
    October 29, 2014

    I have no hair, so this isn’t an issue for me. I wish it was, though 🙂 All I need is the occasional trim around the sides, and my wife does that … Now, when I was a teenager? I sported some great hair that fit right in with my rock band days. Alas, it all jumped ship over the years 🙂

  5. John W. Howell
    October 29, 2014

    I gave up a long time ago. I now go to a barber for 12 bucks a pop. Don’t care how I look.

  6. Phillip McCollum
    October 29, 2014

    With hair no longer being on speaking terms with the top of my head, I haven’t been to a barber in years. Apparently I’m missing out on some interesting adventures! But the home electric razor has saved me the cash…or, I should say, the cash has found a new home in the local coffee shop till.

    • Kevin Brennan
      October 29, 2014

      Ah yes. Whenever we find a way to save money, it just get reallocated to something else!

  7. Pingback: Hair Today? | 1WriteWay

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