Kevin Brennan Writes About What It's Like
What The Hell had a chance to sit down with the man upstairs over the weekend and took the opportunity to see if He could clear up a few things:
Incredible, isn’t it? Most people think that Creation is like a fine Swiss watch, but I like to think of it more as a game of pinball. Sometimes the caroms aren’t very predictable. Don’t worry, though. I have something “ironic” planned for The Donald, involving a number of vicious chihuahuas.
It’s sad. I held great hope for all the nations of the earth after Gorbachev stepped down. But I’ve had to keep an eye on some other problem areas around the universe — there’s life on about 30 million other planets, you know — where, I mean, talk about clusterf*&$s! Through no fault of my own, mind you …
A hobby. I admit I get a little slapdash sometimes.
Think of it as doodling.
First of all, Scarlett Johansson is one of my best efforts. What a keeper. But as to the human brain — I had early prototypes that used the entire brain, but they either thought of really imaginative ways to stick it to their fellow beings or they were driven to suicide. See, with that much computing power on board, they were able to comprehend that death and eternal life are both horrible outcomes. I had to come up with a solution, and rather than designing from scratch, I did a little rewiring and limited your access to the hardware.
Uh, no. I’m not even sure if I’m eternal.
All I can offer on that front is how I handled it. The minute I perceived that I existed, I got busy. Thinking things, making things. I wasn’t going to waste a day, much less seven. So my advice to humans is, Do what you gotta do. Get to work. Do something with your hands. Enjoy those sunsets I dish up every evening.
Actually, it’s an app.
Duh! Somebody flicked the switch on the Big Bang. My thinking is it was an accident.
WTH: Thanks for taking the time to chat with us today, sir. Or, uh, Your Holiness.
God: Oh, you can call me Howard.
God: You know: Our father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name …
WTH: Another mystery solved!