Dear America

This is the message America needs to hear. And it comes from a Canadian — the nicest people in the world!

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Ah America. How are you? My name is Trent Lewin. I’m not a doctor or anything, but I have been known to heal the masses upon occasion. So I turn my attention to you, the confused and the enraged, and I choose to cuddle up with your enormous posteriors to offer advice as best I can. Forgive the gloves. Bend over at your convenience. I think I have to get to know you better to understand all the angst, and that can only be done through a superlative penetration with my Canadian digits. Prepare yourselves.

I’m so rude, but fuck you. What have you done, exactly? We used to fucking love you guys! We wanted to be you guys! Don’t you understand that you have been a shining light in this world, despite your obvious flaws? And now what… you’ve elected this despicable, horrible person as your leader, this tv…

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