WHAT THE HELL

Kevin Brennan Writes About What It's Like

Let’s join the cavalcade of fake news

fauxnews-greyshirt

As a fiction writer I’m kind of intrigued by this fake news phenomenon. I’d never heard of it till recently, but now it seems like it’s been around for a while. Maybe Fox News gave these purveyors of effluent the idea. Something is true if it seems like it could be true.

Take, for example, the now infamous pizzagate story. A fake news writer speculated from the connection of a pizzeria owner to John Podesta’s hacked emails that a pedophilia ring was being run in the restaurant’s basement. Podesta and Hillary were managing it. If you really really hate Hillary Clinton, I guess there’s a knee-jerk willingness to believe anything bad that you happen to hear about her, so a pedophilia ring scratches that itch perfectly. But not only is the story not true, the pizzeria doesn’t even have a basement! Ask the redneck nut who burst in with an AK-47 last week, “self-investigating” the charge.

I think fiction writers should hop into the fake news pool. The water’s fine for minds like ours. If “some guy” in San Diego can pump out and sell imaginary copy, just think what we can accomplish.

Here’s one possibility:

A Florida man claims to have found the source of Donald Trump’s hairpieces.

Renaldo Flores, an HVAC technician, was  tracing ductwork inside Trump’s South Beach estate, Mar-a-Lago, and stumbled upon a hidden suite where more than three hundred peruvianguineapig-main-photolonghaired Peruvian guinea pigs were stashed in gold cages. Although the room was not attended at the moment, Flores said that a number of styrofoam wig heads were present, each fitted with patches of what was clearly shorn Peruvian guinea pig hair. He put two and two together.

guinea-pig-hairpieceA Mar-a-Lago employee who agreed to be interviewed in exchange for anonymity confirmed that the animals are bred to supply Trump with his distinctive toupees, which are handcrafted on-site to Trump’s precise measurements.

Mr. Flores said that the wig heads were “ridiculously big and round, like, you know, you’re making a wig for a pumpkin or a — what are they called? — a medicine ball.”

The Trump employee added, “Unfortunately, Mr. Trump believes the little creatures are only good for one batch of hair, so he has them butchered and cooked for his many guests. If you’ve ever dined at Mar-a-Lago, you probably remember his chicken satay. Well, that wasn’t chicken.”

–30–

You see where this kind of thing can go. The sky’s the limit. And the thing is, a story like this one is just believable enough that millions of people are going to believe it. And Tweet it.

Let’s see what we can come up with, everybody. It’s time to saturate the market with fake news so the real news stands out. Whatever seems boring and predictable must be real.

All the good stuff is fake.

Advertisements

17 comments on “Let’s join the cavalcade of fake news

  1. kingmidget
    December 9, 2016

    I believe it!!!!!

  2. pinklightsabre
    December 9, 2016

    Yes, or we try the tack like that Marvel comics premise, that there’s a parallel universe where there’s bad copies of us all, with powers/traits reversed, and we take real news stories but invert them, make them opposite, Orwellian too! Pipe it in through the loudspeakers, the feathery Wi-Fi mouths like fishes.

    • Kevin Brennan
      December 9, 2016

      Hey I like that! “Feathery Wi-Fi mouths like fishes.” Sounds like something William S. Burroughs would say if were here.

      • pinklightsabre
        December 9, 2016

        With a dash of Dr. Seuss!

  3. Heartafire
    December 9, 2016

    Smiles! There are many
    “fake ” news blogs right here in WP.

    • Kevin Brennan
      December 9, 2016

      Then my motto is spot on: “Don’t believe everything you read on WordPress!”

  4. Woebegone but Hopeful
    December 9, 2016

    Three cheers then for everyone who was involved in the film ‘Wag The Dog’!!…A classic reminder.
    Which is why I never consider anything until I’ve come across it from several opposing sources, and then I’m still ‘thinking about it’

    • Kevin Brennan
      December 9, 2016

      Ah yes, one of my favorite movies of those days. Not sure it holds up now because things have gotten so much worse than fiction!

      • Woebegone but Hopeful
        December 10, 2016

        But it’s still a good reminder to folk that some of their ‘wise’ and ‘forthright’ leaders are actually conniving jerks!!

  5. Parlor of Horror
    December 9, 2016

    If someone keeps saying something enough times and there’s people that back it up, people think it’s true. One item that never caught on (luckily) is when Rudolph Guilliani kept saying there were never any terrorists attacks in America until Obama took office. I’ve heard people repeat this in the supermarket…Luckily we have a dozen 911 films to prove that it has happened. It also didn’t make the firemen who were suffering and those who lost loved ones too happy. Eventually Guilliani conceded and apologized.

    • Kevin Brennan
      December 10, 2016

      Unchallenged repetition is definitely part of the formula. Just today I read that a third of Republicans think Trump won the popular vote. Probably because he keeps saying three million illegals voted in California. They just absorb it as fact, and that’s now reality in their minds.

      At least Giuliani is out of the picture now!

  6. Audrey Driscoll
    December 9, 2016

    There’s a radio program on Canadian Broadcasting called This is That. And I know of a few WP blogs. Read ’em and say “Huh?” The best fake news has you believing it until the brain kicks in. (Of course, some brains don’t kick in before “sharing” begins).

    • Kevin Brennan
      December 10, 2016

      Ha, that’s the problem! People spread the fake news around before analyzing it. Feel free to share my guinea pig story, and we’ll see if it has legs!

  7. 1WriteWay
    December 10, 2016

    Well, even the NY Times bought into the “weapons of mass destruction” lie so where do you go for the “real” news. Actually, I still keep to the standards (NY Times, Washington Post, LA Times). I roll my eyes at all the sharing of stories from “news” blogs that I see on Facebook. If the original source is not one of the standards, I don’t bother. And it totally unnerves me how social media drives its own train. A lot of that traction is from trolls, some of whom are on Trump’s Transition Team. They’ll spread lies about anyone–whether it’s an 18-year-old college freshman or a union leader–and goad their followers to harass and persecute them. I’m all for free speech, but people who spread fake news and lies should have to suffer some consequences for their actions. Theirs is an abuse of free speech.
    Okay … I need to get off my soapbox. See ya … 😉

    • Kevin Brennan
      December 10, 2016

      Agreed. I was so mad at the Times back in 2002 and 2003. Those are moments when the real structure of the country is revealed, like the Phantom of the Opera’s hideous face, and all you can say is, Damn!

      You’d think fake news that’s unlabeled would fall into the “yelling fire in a crowded theater” category. Or it’s like “medicine” that’s really just water with some mint flavoring.

      I guess we live in caveat emptor times.

      • 1WriteWay
        December 10, 2016

        My husband has been invoking the Phantom of the Opera lately … I think you guys are on to something …

Chime in

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on December 9, 2016 by in Social media and tagged , , .
%d bloggers like this: