Kevin Brennan Writes About What It's Like
As a fiction writer I’m kind of intrigued by this fake news phenomenon. I’d never heard of it till recently, but now it seems like it’s been around for a while. Maybe Fox News gave these purveyors of effluent the idea. Something is true if it seems like it could be true.
Take, for example, the now infamous pizzagate story. A fake news writer speculated from the connection of a pizzeria owner to John Podesta’s hacked emails that a pedophilia ring was being run in the restaurant’s basement. Podesta and Hillary were managing it. If you really really hate Hillary Clinton, I guess there’s a knee-jerk willingness to believe anything bad that you happen to hear about her, so a pedophilia ring scratches that itch perfectly. But not only is the story not true, the pizzeria doesn’t even have a basement! Ask the redneck nut who burst in with an AK-47 last week, “self-investigating” the charge.
I think fiction writers should hop into the fake news pool. The water’s fine for minds like ours. If “some guy” in San Diego can pump out and sell imaginary copy, just think what we can accomplish.
Here’s one possibility:
A Florida man claims to have found the source of Donald Trump’s hairpieces.
Renaldo Flores, an HVAC technician, was tracing ductwork inside Trump’s South Beach estate, Mar-a-Lago, and stumbled upon a hidden suite where more than three hundred longhaired Peruvian guinea pigs were stashed in gold cages. Although the room was not attended at the moment, Flores said that a number of styrofoam wig heads were present, each fitted with patches of what was clearly shorn Peruvian guinea pig hair. He put two and two together.
A Mar-a-Lago employee who agreed to be interviewed in exchange for anonymity confirmed that the animals are bred to supply Trump with his distinctive toupees, which are handcrafted on-site to Trump’s precise measurements.
Mr. Flores said that the wig heads were “ridiculously big and round, like, you know, you’re making a wig for a pumpkin or a — what are they called? — a medicine ball.”
The Trump employee added, “Unfortunately, Mr. Trump believes the little creatures are only good for one batch of hair, so he has them butchered and cooked for his many guests. If you’ve ever dined at Mar-a-Lago, you probably remember his chicken satay. Well, that wasn’t chicken.”
You see where this kind of thing can go. The sky’s the limit. And the thing is, a story like this one is just believable enough that millions of people are going to believe it. And Tweet it.
Let’s see what we can come up with, everybody. It’s time to saturate the market with fake news so the real news stands out. Whatever seems boring and predictable must be real.
All the good stuff is fake.