Kevin Brennan Writes About What It's Like

Pet peeve Wednesday

My internet’s too slow!

I grow impatient in my middle age. More and more as I “surf the web,” as we used to say, I find it takes eons for all the content of a page to load. You can watch the little activity line on the browser as it shuffles through the different connections it’s making, a lot of them with the word “ad” in them.

Right. Ads are slowing everything the hell down. Plus my shitty Comcast cable line.

I just did a speed test and found my download speed is 9.35 Mbps. No wonder I can completely brush my teeth while a graphics-packed site like — all of them — loads. The Comcast promo said I’d be getting 25 Mbps, but when the guy installed it he said, Nah, not way out here. (But they charge the same price for 9.35 as they do for 25!)

How come it didn’t say in the come-on that if you live in the hills you can forget 25 Mbps?

Still I’m not about to switch to HughesNet. They promise higher speeds ‘cuz they’re satellite internet, but the people in their commercials are like Stepford internet users (“So go ahead — learn new things!”).

You’ve probably heard, and it’s true, that in Europe and other parts of the world they get much faster speeds at half the cost. Really? Why do you suppose that is? Let’s see, maybe they don’t tilt the playing field over there to feed you right into the gaping mouths of megacorporations like Comcast and AT&T. They have more vibrant competition between companies there — actual capitalism instead of our version, which is all about capturing markets and getting as close to a monopoly as possible without breaking the law.

The same thing’s going on with the airlines. The reason United can beat the crap out of some guy and drag him off the plane is, Who else you gonna fly from Chicago to Louisville? We’ll beat the crap out of you and you’ll like it.

I hate how slow my internet is, but I have no intention of moving out of beautiful downtown Cool, California, just so I can enjoy cat memes a little bit faster. I’ll just keep complaining instead.

Sorry, it’s just a pet peeve of mine: My internet’s too slow.

[Image via.]


9 comments on “Pet peeve Wednesday

  1. pinklightsabre
    April 19, 2017

    Funny, but take more time to brush your teeth at least. It all works out.

    • Kevin Brennan
      April 19, 2017

      Wait, what? I should brush for longer than 20 minutes?!

  2. kingmidget
    April 19, 2017

    Yes in the land of free market capitalism — none of that European socialism for us! — we have narrow markets and virtual monopolies screwing us regular folks on cable, internet, cell phones, airlines. It’s kind of endless. My understanding is that cell service is infinitely better and cheaper across both ponds as well.

    • Kevin Brennan
      April 19, 2017

      I never understand why Americans tolerate it. All we do is gripe about customer service when we ought to be saying, no, it’s the product that sucks!

  3. John W. Howell
    April 19, 2017

    I can say having lived in California for ten years, the internet speeds there suck once you leave the SF city limits. I have 60 Mbs here and I live on a damn island. Might have something to do with local regs and what the service provider is allowed to put in the ground or on an aerial feed. Local communities are real touchy about visible plant equipment.

    • Kevin Brennan
      April 19, 2017

      60 Mbps! My God, What The Hell must load on your screen in the blink of an eye! 😉

      It’s true, we had lousy speed in Petaluma too, though better than here in the boonies. Alas.

      • John W. Howell
        April 19, 2017

        What the Hell is blazing fast.(Almost hurts the eyes)

  4. Yahooey
    April 19, 2017

    I could never figure out why the free US market is controlled by localized monopolies with overpriced bad service that requires the providers to sell your data to make money while our meddling Socialist EU competition watchdog means that I have a handful of operators to choose from that aren’t allowed anywhere near my data.

    • Kevin Brennan
      April 20, 2017

      Yes, there’s plenty of irony in all of this. Over here we have free-market profits and socialized losses, and somehow that’s OK with people.

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