Kevin Brennan Writes About What It's Like

People used to write letters

We got another letter from our friend, “A”, about the only one who ever writes to us anymore. I shared one of her other notes almost four years ago now,  but this one might be even better. Here it is, exactly as she wrote it:

Dear Sue & Kevin,

You have no idea how nice it was to get your letter. I am such a bad person though. I laughed at your bulging eyeballs & pressure inflammation. I’m such scum that I just laughed again when I re-read it. How did we get here? I need some major dental work & did trip on an unseen step while going to the Mobil Gas snack shop. I also sat on my glasses (several times), and now when I look at my venetian blinds the slats look curvy instead of straight. That’s curvy not curry. I have other tripulations [sic] dribbleulations too. I got fired 3 weeks ago. It wasn’t unexpected. I could have resigned, but I figured, Why? I may as well collect unemployment since I had already been looking for other jobs. Actually, the timing was good. My mom has begun to get bedsores & the doctor who makes house calls told Paul that she is getting close to needing hospice care. The upside is that put the spikes into Paul & he has been insisting that she eat better & actually buying all the foods she loves but that he hates to smell (meat, he is a vegan). He now watches her until she gets it all down. So my mom has rallied a little & that’s good. Sue, your mom is original. Has she been married twice or 3 times now? She is definitely feisty & fearless. It’s just too bad that, unlike my mom, she doesn’t have $30,000,000 in cash under her bed in a cardboard box. Your mom has also not been able to secure a government job at the age of 92 & communicate with her federal contact via the 800 number on the bottom of all Kimberly-Clark Kleenex boxes. Nor has she had the pleasure of being kidnapped by people who hate Jews & taken to a mountain top where her exemplary government training allowed her to talk her way out of being assimilated & yes, escape to freedom. Where is the Yellow Rolls Royce? If Alain Delon would show up this could be a box office smash. If he isn’t available perhaps we could get Tim Curry to fill in, he lives in Los Angeles & sings & could play a male & female role!



9 comments on “People used to write letters

  1. Phillip McCollum
    June 22, 2017

    Man, so much said in so few words. I think I’m inspired to write some letters. I think… Thanks for sharing, Kevin.

    • Kevin Brennan
      June 22, 2017

      She’s a master of concision, but she might be revealing more about herself than she means to. 😉

  2. pinklightsabre
    June 22, 2017

    Bizarre, this notion: so enamored by a letter I’m going to post it on the internet! Just bizarre. No letters, no more. Even more bizarre.

    • Kevin Brennan
      June 22, 2017

      Well, not all letters are worthy of posting on the internet. But one that mentions Alain Delon and Tim Curry has to get special consideration.

      • pinklightsabre
        June 23, 2017

        Agreed 👍

  3. kingmidget
    June 22, 2017

    I so want to get back into the art of letter writing. I don’t know where to start. Who to write a letter to. What to say. It all just seems so … odd.

    But I must do it.

    • Kevin Brennan
      June 22, 2017

      How about picking someone at random out of the phone book?

      Oh, I forgot. There’s no phone book anymore …

      • kingmidget
        June 23, 2017

        That would be kind of interesting, though. Pick a random stranger and write them a letter and see what happens. Hmmm…..

      • Kevin Brennan
        June 23, 2017

        I remember writing letters to people in Iowa in support of Howard Dean, back in ’04 I guess it was. That didn’t seem to go over very well! 😉

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This entry was posted on June 22, 2017 by in Writing and tagged .
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