Kevin Brennan Writes About What It's Like
I must have the new iPhone. The $1K iPhone X? I must have it.
I don’t currently have an iPhone. In fact, I currently have no phone at all, other than the kind that’s connected to my wall at home. My wife has a little LG flip phone from the 1960s (if they’d had cell phones back then), but other than that we are phoneless. Smart-phoneless.
But I must have the new $1K iPhone.
If anything could break my aversion to the smartphone fad it would be a chance to own the new $1K iPhone. No other phone will do. It has to be the most expensive phone available, the phone that would cause me physical pain if I were to drop it as I walked along a city street and slammed into a lamppost, or person. And all I was doing was checking to see if anybody, anybody, had liked my latest tweet – the one about bacon?
No other phone will do. I need the phone with features I will never activate or use. I need the phone with edge-to-edge glass, I need the phone with no headphone jack, I need Face ID and Animoji, I need the phone that nauseates me every time I pay the monthly bill, because I’ll know that it is at least the very best phone I can possibly have for that kind of money. Obscene money. I need the phone that makes me feel like I’m somebody, like I’m a playa, like I have something to say – even if I have to say it by typing out texts with my thumbs. “Where U at?”
And when I die, I’ll be able to say that for one brief shining moment I had the iPhone X – you know, the $1K iPhone?
And I will then be able to die happy.