WHAT THE HELL

Kevin Brennan Writes About What It's Like

X box

I must have the new iPhone. The $1K iPhone X? I must have it.

I don’t currently have an iPhone. In fact, I currently have no phone at all, other than the kind that’s connected to my wall at home. My wife has a little LG flip phone from the 1960s (if they’d had cell phones back then), but other than that we are phoneless. Smart-phoneless.

But I must have the new $1K iPhone.

If anything could break my aversion to the smartphone fad it would be a chance to own the new $1K iPhone. No other phone will do. It has to be the most expensive phone available, the phone that would cause me physical pain if I were to drop it as I walked along a city street and slammed into a lamppost, or person. And all I was doing was checking to see if anybody, anybody, had liked my latest tweet – the one about bacon?

No other phone will do. I need the phone with features I will never activate or use. I need the phone with edge-to-edge glass, I need the phone with no headphone jack, I need Face ID and Animoji, I need the phone that nauseates me every time I pay the monthly bill, because I’ll know that it is at least the very best phone I can possibly have for that kind of money. Obscene money. I need the phone that makes me feel like I’m somebody, like I’m a playa, like I have something to say – even if I have to say it by typing out texts with my thumbs. “Where U at?”

And when I die, I’ll be able to say that for one brief shining moment I had the iPhone X – you know, the $1K iPhone?

And I will then be able to die happy.

26 comments on “X box

  1. Carrie Rubin
    September 15, 2017

    Sounds like a perfect Black Mirror episode. 😄

  2. kingmidget
    September 15, 2017

    You forgot to mention that it’s only the best phone ever … for this brief moment in time. In a couple of months, it will be released in a new color and the phone in your hands will no longer be the best phone ever.

  3. Priscilla
    September 15, 2017

    🙂 Yeah, I have to have one, too. I’m a little out of the loop regarding these things, so when I first heard about the 1000 dollar iphone, I thought someone was pulling my leg!

    • Kevin Brennan
      September 15, 2017

      There are so many other, better things to spend a grand on, IMHO. 😉

      • kingmidget
        September 15, 2017

        A year’s supply of M & Ms?

  4. S.K. Nicholls
    September 15, 2017

    My daughter has an old iPhone 4 that we passed onto her when we got our 6s…There are many features on my 6 that I don’t use. Now, her phone company (T-Mobile) has just made her phone obsolete as it will no longer support the IPhone 4. How can they do that? She does not need, nor can she afford, a new phone…but in order to continue service with T-Mobile, she must upgrade. She still gets service with her phone…but it is the crappy, spotty, slow service……unless she agrees to upgrade her phone.

    • Kevin Brennan
      September 15, 2017

      It’s kinda the same with computers. I had a little Mac Mini I was perfectly happy with, but it suddenly couldn’t cope with software changes across the ‘net, and I had to replace it. Planned obsolescence, I guess. 😡

    • John W. Howell
      September 15, 2017

      Tell her to get a new provider. T-Moble is the worst.

  5. S.K. Nicholls
    September 15, 2017

    The purchase of which she can make thru T-Mobile and cost will be installments reflected on her service plan.

    • Kevin Brennan
      September 15, 2017

      PS — How did your new house fare after Irma? Been worried about you!

      • S.K. Nicholls
        September 15, 2017

        We are happy to report the the island of Matlacha is NOT now property on the bottom of the bay and our little Key Westy house is fine. In Orlando we never even lost power, but the storm outside was atrocious. Took down my pretty pink hibiscus tree, but otherwise no damage.

      • Kevin Brennan
        September 15, 2017

        Great news! So glad your new life is right on track. 🙂

  6. Phillip McCollum
    September 15, 2017

    I can’t help but see the irony in their 1984 Superbowl video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R706isyDrqI

  7. John W. Howell
    September 15, 2017

    I want the new Tesla.

  8. 1WriteWay
    September 17, 2017

    I’m excited about the iPhone X because I’m hoping it will lower $ of the iPhone 6 which should be my very last smartphone investment. I do appreciate my iPhone 5s, but the screen is a bit too small even for my nimble knitting fingers. I paid perhaps less than half of its original price and I use a pay-as-you-go plan. None of those 2-year contracts for me. Been there. Done that. I would rather go phoneless than ever do it again. The thing is, my little pay-as-you-go plan (which probably costs less than half more regular plans like Verizon, etc) gives me just as good service as any other provider. Maybe better. Sure, on our road trip we lost service a few times (you know, mountains, wide open spaces in the middle of nowhere) but … well, we’d just shrug and enjoy the views. But I get your point: the cost of the newest (for now) iPhone is ridiculous. But sure there will be some fools who will pay just so they can flaunt their conspicuous consumption. That’s the other nice thing about having an old(er) iPhone. Nobody wants to steal it 😉

    • Kevin Brennan
      September 17, 2017

      What pay-as-you-go plan do you use? I might be tempted if I could do it that way …

      • 1WriteWay
        September 17, 2017

        Cricket wireless. I don’t know if it’s available where you are. We used to use Tracfone (also pay-as-you-go) but they only sold Android phones and I got tired of those. But, you know, you can’t miss what you never had 😉

      • Kevin Brennan
        September 18, 2017

        I’ve heard of Cricket … cheap, right? And we wouldn’t need much data anyway. Thanks for the tip!

      • 1WriteWay
        September 18, 2017

        I’m paying $55/month for unlimited text and call minutes, 8 GB of “high speed data” and hotspot (meaning I can use my phone as a internet connection for my iPad or laptop if I’m out and about without wifi). I get a discount because I’m set up for automatic payments, and I’ve yet to come even close to using my monthly GB allotment. One of my coworkers who is tethered to his iPhone 6 Plus is shocked that I use so little data. Yet, I’m on my phone a lot (checking email, WP, Twitter, Facebook) and I have a few apps I use regularly (Audible, Fitbit). The key for me is I only download large files when I’m connected to my home wifi. So one could argue that I’m actually paying more than $55/month because I do also pay for DSL at home. Splitting hairs though since I would have that DSL regardless of my phone. Hope this isn’t too much info. I get a little excited because I have friends who complain about their $200/month phone bills yet they won’t consider pay-as-you-go. Crazy.

      • Kevin Brennan
        September 18, 2017

        Thanks for all the info! Maybe I’ll pick up a refurbed iPhone and keep it all on the cheap till we decide whether we really need it. It’d be nice to drop the land line, though. ☎️

      • 1WriteWay
        September 19, 2017

        We still have our landline although I’d love to get rid of that.

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