Holiday advice from your What The Hell life coach

Here they come again. The holidays. Always difficult, but even more so now that I know that the Stove Top Stuffing Thanksgiving dinner pants have sold out. (True.)

My wife and I always have low-key holidays, and as a result we’re happier human beings. For instance, this Thanksgiving Eve we’re going to a roadside steakhouse in Nevada City for dinner and martinis, followed by a stop at our favorite Indian restaurant in Grass Valley to grab a three-day supply of lamb vindaloo. On Thursday evening we’ll be thankful when the burning stops.

I can’t expect everyone to live the way we do, since most people have something called “friends and family.” I suppose we’re just blessed to be introvert-hermits. But here are a few things you can do to make the holidays more pleasant this year – bearable, even. Do try these at home:

・Instead of inviting everyone over for dinner, set up a festive Skype conference call.

・Jump the gun on California’s 2018 legal marijuana sales and spike your stuffing with some nice Bubba Kush. Everyone will wonder why Uncle Dave has parked himself in the recliner, staring at his hand.

・Avoid the crowds and start next year’s Christmas shopping now.

・Better yet, tell everyone you know that you no longer wish to give or receive gifts. That way you won’t be invited to any events or gatherings and you can stay home and binge on Stranger Things.

・Confront any Trump-loving relatives not with well-reasoned arguments but instead with an enigmatic, Spock-like gaze. They’ll soon move away from you to torture someone else.

・To avoid eating too much, have a hearty meal before heading out to relatives’ Thanksgiving dinner.

・Forget about watching football this year. It has become too political. Instead, try a holiday marathon of “chessboxing.” It exists.

・When the holidays are over and the new year begins with its usual sense of heartbreaking disappointment, try to remember the simple things and embrace life for what it is: a bewildering cluster of chaotic and incomprehensible events interrupting two blocks of dark, eternal nothingness.

Well, I hope these tips will help you get through the “holidaze,” as we like to call it here at What The Hell, with a positive attitude and the appropriate objectivity. It’s important to remember that it’s not about you. It’s about salvaging the retail sector’s fiscal year with a record-breaking fourth quarter.

[Image via Alexas_Fotos at Pixabay.]

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