Christmastime is smear

As Christmas approacheth, I cast my gratitude toward our illustrious Congress for rescuing the American economy from certain collapse. Rather, I should acknowledge that it was the Republican party that did the rescuing, since not a single Democrat had the anal rectitude to bestow on the middle class de minimis tax cuts that expire in a few years while ensuring the vitality of the commonweal by giving a trillion and a half dollars to the Deserving Ones – the corporations and top 1%. They’re the ones who know what to do with that kind of money (ship it offshore as quickly as possible).

And I am grateful to the voters in this great land of ours who made all this possible, the lightly informed resenters with their “mad as hell and we’re not going to take this anymore” spunk. They saw what needed to be done. Sometimes you have to crash the plane in order to put an end to the inedible airline meals. And though they will not be benefiting personally from the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017, they can sit back in smug confidence that Dreamers soon will be going back where they came from, pollution from coal-fired electricity plants will fill the skies (producing magnificent sunsets), and affordable health insurance will become a thing of the past, as easily forgotten as snuff.

And I’m eternally grateful to the likes of Susan Collins, Jeff Flake, and Bob Corker, who have reminded us in the clearest of terms that this country is built on self-interest and not on this thing called “hope,” which is a dangerous concept that can only result in massive redistribution of income – in the wrong direction. Thanks to Collins, for instance, we’ve had to accept that there is no such thing as a “moderate Republican,” and there never will be. Flake has shown us that words are exactly what they seem to be – empty scratchings on a page, meek utterings from a hypocrite’s throat. And Corker, one of the richest members of the Senate, informs the citizenry that when you have nothing to lose you grab for everything you can get. It’s an important American value.

Yes, as Christmas approacheth in this memorable year of 2017, we must all give thanks and remember – in spite of it all – that these are the “good old days.”